there are times when i saunter into this website and am rocked by my friends
how lucky am i to have friends who blow my mind just by stuff they think about on a day to day basis?
I am blessed
Today i am thankful to be surrounded by people who are real and who care when i am real and my realness is unnatractive

I am also extrememly thankful for a mother who realizes that i am not her and sees my faults but loves me anyways. Not only that, but she loves me and holds me accountable in a non-controling type way. This is not the mother I grew up with. I am thankful that we are never too old to grow up and that My heavenly father has given me parents who are growing up as we speak. My dad loves me and even talks about how he feels. Big deal for a Scottish man whom I was convinced did not have emotion 'till I was 20. I am blessed beyond my own comprehension

i too wonder who i would be without these outside expectations. i wonder who i would be if i lived in a different demographic. would if i lived in a larger multicultural city like vancouver for majority of my life. would i have turned out to be the "stereotypical korean/rice rocket loving karoke star?" i think there's a possibility. who knows...?

on to a different matter...

i was talking with a friend about worship music and worship leading. and there was one thing that stuck out in my mind... i told him, that i used to be cynical about people getting "excited" about worship. i used to scoff at them and think they were "spiritually" immature. i used to think that "emotionalism" was the worst thing that could possible happen to christianity.
but then... i started thinking...
those of us that are blessed to live in North America, have the freedom to worship God freely.
we have this amazing opportunity to worship God corporately.
we, human beings, who were made to be emotional, have the opportunity to worship the God of the universe. So with that being said, why would we want to be unemotional about our corporate worship?
when we get the opportunity to worship God in his fully revealed glory, are we going to stand there and scoff others at how "emotional" they're being or how "jumping" is so passe?
that's ridiculous.
i've heard the argument, and i've even used it myself, that worship is a lifestyle, not something you do for half an hour on Sundays. i totally agree to that.
but i think your attitude towards corporate worship, the stuff you do every Sunday, reflects your worship attitude as a lifestyle.
if you're living your life as worship to God, then what's stopping you from being excited about corporate worship on Sundays?
now, don't get me wrong here,
i'm not saying that each person must jump at least 56 times in a worship service in order to "prove" that they're excited about it,
but what i am saying is, that i think some people use this "worship as a lifestyle" argument as more of an excuse.

so... be excited, be emotional, that's how God made us.
don't fall into the expectations that say, "in order to be a scholar, or a mature christian you need to cut out all the emotion out of your life. that way you can become robots, and spew out information and the right answers, but never live up to them." WOWEE ZOWEE!!!

you might not believe it, but it took me a long time to even get comfortable lifting my hands.

so... to hell with expectations?

currently listening to:
delirious - king of fools

i wonder...without outside expectations, who would i be?
i am sick and tired of expectations.
christian expectations
family expectations
expectations because of where i grew up, where i went/go to school
expectations based on how i look
i want to be able to figure out who i am and what i want to do without basing it on what others expect, whether intentionally or unintentionally
i don't desire to go to the other extreme either though-where i would do crazy things just because nobody expects me too.
sometimes i think that i would be much happier if i wasn't always concerned about how others see me, concerned about living up to their expectations of me
but then, i've bought into expectaions so much, that some of them are what i expect of myself now....much undoing needs to happen

mo, you really don't talk about movies as much as you think you do. And for heaven's sake people need superficial interests. Sometimes its those interests that ironically challenge us to think about deeper things. Don't negate a hobby just becuase it doesn't solve the universe's, world's or even your problems. I have had few meaningless or boring conversations with you, even those involving movies. They are a part of a dream God has given you to make something that could be superficial into a life changing conversation piece. That is admirable. Besides it sounds like you are just frustrated with the journey you're taking to get to who you are. Struggle is good. Its giving in and having no struggle that causes us to be useless, lifeless and shallow. You are far from these things my friend and I love you for it.

i am sick and tired of meaningless boring conversaton. i like to talk to people that have something to say, that think about what they say, that care about me. i'm not talking about the highly intellectual "i'm so smart look at me" conversations, but rather well though out deep discussions that concern things. some of you may be thinking..."really, then why do you always talk about movies?" you must understand what movies are to me. i am passionate about movies. i relate to them. i relate important things in life to them. they are an integral part of who i am. when i talk about movies with you, i mean REALLY talk about them/discuss them, i am letting you see part of me. thats what i like. but not just talk of movies. i long for real actual discussions and deep connection with other people. i am sick of superficial things and people. so yeah, lately i have been seeking out those people with whom i know i can converse with, with real people, with...you, Holly and Daniel

A description of Dan Kang from someone outside of Dan Kang who likes to think she sees past the surface of Dan Kang:

Therapeutic -
if there was ever a person who was easy to be around, it would definitely be him. This is a conclusion that both Moey and Holly have come to
Not only therapeutic in a casual sense, but because his longing for deep intelectual, meaningful conversation is something I relate to
Real -
really really really real, though those inside of Dan Kang may argue
Emotionally Masochistic
- A man/boy who loves to be social and refuses to let anyone actually get close to him - Something i'm not sure how to figure out is how exactly to let Dan Kang know that i am genuinely interested in who he is as a person. Sometimes I think that since others appreciate his superficial aspects of humour and quirkyness that he may feel that is all people see. Actually, sometimes it is because there are many people who surround Dan Kang that do not know how to look deeper into themselves. This is a sad state of affairs for them

This is a short and incomplete description and is in no way exhaustive - not even Dan Kang would be able to provide an exhaustive version.
However, the God who knit his very being together sees him in all aspects
The areas Dan Kang cannot understand of himself, God understands
The areas Dan Kang cannot change about himself, God understand
The areas of Dan Kang that Dan Kang is too afraid to get near, God understands and is not afraid
that's all i have to say today